


Darkest Hour

by WyvernQuill



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: (Yes Really), Arthur Pendragon Returns, Brexit, Dialogue-Only, Humor, M/M, Modern Era, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 07:59:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16036274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WyvernQuill/pseuds/WyvernQuill
Summary: It has long been foretold that Arthur, Once and Future King, shall not truly perish upon his death, but instead fall into slumber so deep he would not wake until Albion's Greatest Hour of Need.And only then would he rise once more, to walk the earth beside his faithful sorcerer, until the threat to their kingdom was vanquished.It is his Destiny.Only, if Arthur had known Destiny counted POLITICAL crises, he might've opted to simply stay in bed...





	Darkest Hour

**Author's Note:**

> It made perfect sense in my head.  
> When will Arthur return? As soon as something awful happens to Great Britain.  
> And what is something awful happening to GB right now?  
> Really, only logical.
> 
> For my Goldnugget. Look, I published it!

"...what."

"Really, Arthur, there's no need to be so..."

" _Mer_ _lin."_

"Yes Arthur?"

"Let me just see if I got this right... I am not dead."

"Not terribly observant either, if you need to ask."

"Shut up, Merlin."

"Sure thing, Sire."

"Instead of dying, I took a nap for a thousand or so years..."

"Thousand five hundred, more like. Very _long_  years, too."

"Quiet Merlin. Then I wake on the shore of a sodding, _very cold_  lake, with you crying over me like the big girl's blouse you are..."

"Arthur, remember our talk about sexism and gender stereotyping?"

"...and literal snot running down your face..."

"ARTHUR!"

"Merlin?"

"Gender stereotyping iiiiiiis...?"

>sigh< "Bad, yes, I recall. Crying over me like the big _person's_  blouse you are, then. Anyway, quite the pitiful display, all... dribbly."

"A thousand years, Arthur! I _missed_  you!"

"Quite disgusting, if youuuu... .... ...y-you did?"

"Terribly. More than you can ever imagine."

"Well."

"Yeah."

"..."

"..."

 

"A-anyway!"

"Yes?"

"You said that it was prophesied that I'd return in the hour of Albion's greatest need."

"Yes."

"I slept through the Norman invasion."

"Ah, that one really wasn't _that_ bad..."

"I slept through the Spanish Armada attacking."

"Elizabeth had that one in the bag though, no need for you to bother yourself!"

"I slept through what is tellingly called a _World War..._  "

"Mmmmyeeaaaah... I did wonder with that one."

"TWICE!"

"Maybe you overslept for a century or so?"

"Famines, wars cold and hot, economic depressions, plagues, terrorist attacks, absolutely anything, and this, _this_  is what I wake for!?"

"...apparently, yes.

" _Albion's Greatest Hour of Need_ is... is..."

"I know, Arthur. I know."

"... _roughly more than half of Albion's peasants voting Leave!?_ "

"Ah, but we don't call them peasants anymore, remember?"

"Shut up Merlin."

"Up is shut, Sire."

 

"So, this ominous 'destiny' you-"

"It's _Destiny_ , Arthur. With a capital D."

"But... it's just... I only said..."

"If you say it properly, you _hear_  the capitalisation, trust me."

"...right. Well. This 'DDDDestiny' you keep blabbering on about..."

"Only repeating what Kilgarrah said, though I now suspect he was euphemising something or other there..."

"Merlin."

"Hmm?"

"Do be quiet."

"Right. Sorry."

"Ehem. In any case, _bloody_  Destiny was perfectly fine with a _whole sodding Albionian Empire_  crumbling..."

>whispers< "British, Arthur, British."

"...and being overtaken by Her colonies, _honestly,_  not in my time, Merlin, not in my time!"

"Of course not. But there truly never was another like you, Arthur, my liege."

"..."

"..."

>blushes<

 

"...Arthur?"

"Shush, _Mer_ lin. Anyway, _that_ was fine. No problem with _that_  no need to wake the Once and Future King, let him rest. But the second Albion votes - votes! Stupid idea in itself! - to leave some pitiful mainland kingdoms in the dust - I ended a dozen trade agreements in my time, what's the big idea - I get shoved back to the surface, have fun fixing it Arthur!"

"Yes, I _did_  wonder what Destiny expects you to do about that one, your skills _are_  rather limited."

"I can't run _democracy_  through with my sword, Merlin!"

"Or hunt it, or throw it in the stocks, or banish it, precisely, Sire."

"Besides, it's surely not _that_  bad if half of the rabble voted for it, right?"

"..."

"...right, Merlin?"

"It _is_  a complex geopolitical matter, Arthur... and keep in mind, the plebeians haven't really gotten _much_  smarter since your reign."

"Oh, but 'peasants' _isn't_ allowed!?"

"Remind me, Sire, WHO lived through the last century?"

"...you did."

" _Precisely._ So whose expertise do we listen to?"

"...yours."

"There. Was that so bad?"

"..."

"Arthuuuuur?"

>grimaces< "It causes me _physical_  agony, Merlin, you idiot."

"Dollop-head yourself."

"Clotpole."

"Peabrain. And that's still MY word!"

>beams<

>grins back<

"..."

"..."

"I'm... very glad you're still here, Merlin."

"And I'm very glad you're back, Arthur."

"I knew that, you sobbed it into my shoulder for an hour at least, never mind that my armour was rusting through and still full of lake water. When will you get to polishing it, by the way?"

"Well, _that_ wrecked the mood..."

"What did you say, Merlin?"

"That I'll try to do it good, Sire."

"See that you do."

 

"Say... have I mentioned that servitude is not a done thing anymore? That is definitely something you should be made aware of."

"Don't be ridiculous Merlin. You were _born to serve me,_  you said so yourself."

"And regret it now!"

"...I don't."

"..."

"..."

"...t-that doesn't even make sense."

"I know. But... it does. To me."

"...oh."

"Yes."

"Oh. _Arthur._ "

"Merlin..."

"Me too. Arthur. Since... _forever,_  me too."

" _Oh."_

"..."

"..."

"...my bedroom's just up the stairs, you know."

 

"Well, that's just _bloody buggering fantastic,_  isn't it!?"

"Steady on, Arthur! Gods, a simple 'thanks but no thanks mate' would've done-"

"Now that I can _finally_  tumble the love of my life like I always wanted to, I first have a SODDING BREXIT to sort through!"

"Weeeeeell... on the bright side, at least you didn't reawake because England was loosing the World Cup or something..."

"The what?"

"...nah, inconsequential, _the stairs are just this way..._ "

"No, but, really, Merlin. This is apparently some pivotal point in Albion's fate, I need to acquaint myself with the legal system of these times..."

"It's kingsized, you know, my bed. Comfy."

"Do you have a library card?"

"I have lube...?"

" _Mer_ lin, we can have sex _later_ , this is important! Now, do you think our chances are better if I get into the House of Commons or House of Lords?"

"Can we talk about the mutualness of our desires first? Or better yet, act upon them? It's been a _bloody millennium,_  Arthur!"

"Relax, with a bit of work I could be PM within the decade, that's not so long a wait."

"..."

"..."

"...I _could_  pleasure you with my mouth as you research?"

"Excellent thinking Merlin! See, that's why I keep you around!"

"For the mouth thing or the brain thing?"

"To be honest, _my_  brain is still a little hung up on the former."

"Ah. 'Course."

"It's technically been a millennium for me, too."

"Naturally, Sire."

"And Gwen, while the loveliest of people, was... well, for my tastes, she was always... a little too..."

"Experimental? Chaste? Female?"

"...not you."

"Oh!"

"Yes."

" _...oh..."_

"...yes."

"..."

"..."

 

"Arthur, love."

" _Love!?_ M-merlin!"

"How about a compromise?"

"...?"

"I'll magic up a new Union, turn back time, put spells on every single politician plus assistants, _anything you want,_ if you come to bed with me RIGHT BLOODY NOW."

"..."

"...Arthur?"

"..."

"...Sire...?"

"Point me to the stairs again, will you, Merlin?"

" _Gladly,_ Arthur."

**Author's Note:**

> Well.  
> My first foray into fanfiction comes to its fulminant finale!  
> Hope you enjoyed, do feel free to leave a comment, clearly I so desperately crave the recognition...


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